There are times when a writer needs to write; to type; to rant. The majority of the time they need to release their energy. Some of that energy has been accumulated over a significant amount of time, but has no where to be released. Some writers hide their words from the world; from their friends; from their families. Sometimes it is best to not be criticized, nor raise conflicts between certain parties. However, sometimes the best safe havens are the ones that can connect with the world to solve problems. Well, maybe not the entire world, but with certain people who do have those connections. I never would have thought to write anything online like any "normal" person would do. Since I feared of being criticized, and to eventually see what painful words strangers might say. Sometimes a leap of faith is needed. Taking this giant step is nerve-wrecking. I wanted to do this for a long time, but my fear kept me from moving forward. But how long will I realize there is nothing to fear?
First impressions are always important. There are people who do not reveal themselves entirely to others. They don't want to be judged right away as someone they're not, or be mistaken as being one person than who they truly identify as. I remember being distant from strangers. I have always kept to myself until it was finally time for me to be myself. I was weird, there's no denying it, but not enough that people would run away from me. Weird enough to be mysterious, I guess. I'm not quite sure what people thought of me, not absolutely. I was the one who would listen, give advice if needed, and cared for others. I was the one who befriended anyone who were bullied or shoved off to the side. I am still the person who wants to help people. Sure there are institutions and organizations that are supposed to help those in need, and there is a government system to serve the people, but it's not enough.
The humanitarians of this world are truly remarkable. The willingness to go out of their way to help each other for the greater good is outstanding. Just knowing of what they've done to help, I imagine they get that feeling when they've done something good and it melts their heart and sends chills throughout their body. It only takes one person to make a difference. If one person helps another, there are going to be others who are willing to help others as well. Sometimes I wonder how the world would be if people truly care for one another, and how can something like that be possible. A world of peace may be just a fantasy that everyone dreams of, but I believe such things are possible. Yes, there are many reasons why this shouldn't be, why it may never come to that, and the consequences that follow. It doesn't mean we shouldn't try to make it work. It's not like there is a law or a death sentence that prevents us from being helpful.
Despite everything good that comes to this world, there are far more sinister things that lurks beneath. I prefer to stay on the positive side of certain aspects when ranting on to strangers, but most of everything I know about this world are the negatives. Corruption; abuse; neglect; crime; ignorance; selfishness; war; and others are all the reasons why this world sucks. Even though there are more good things to look forward to in life, but these aren't forgiving. Everyone has an opinion, and there are people who does want to fix these things. Others, not so much. Again, this is partly why I haven't really said anything. I rather not have people slash each other with vile, vicious words. Not to me and not to anyone. I don't want to cause problems, nor should anyone start causing problems. There are enough problems in the world, neither me or anyone reading this should be one. We all should be solving problems, not causing them. Yes, one problem can multiply into several other problems just as much as resolutions can cause problems. It's a never ending cycle. Nothing can be as stable as we want it to be. The world was founded on chaos. Everything in its nature is just as beautiful as it is dangerous.
It's hard for me to figure out what I want to do with my life because of these situations. I want to be there for my family, friends, and future co-workers. I want to help out with whatever I can and give to those in need. However, how can I help those in need when I can't help myself? I may be caring and a loyal friend, but my mind is a terrible gift. My heart and soul may be blessed with everything I have, it is just my own thoughts working against me. Some days are more stressful than others, and some days are full of sunshine and rainbows. There is nowhere in between. Not to mention that there are those half-days when it's all good, then it goes straight to disaster. The majority of the time I can make any situation complicated than it needs to be.
I am my own enemy. I am who I am because the world allows it to influence me in ways nobody can imagine. The people and all the incoming information allows me to be open-minded and skeptical. I love learning new things, whether it enhances my understanding of people and their culture or helps me to accept the ways of the human race. I love the arts and their messages. I love the passion and determination people go through. I love that there are people still fighting for what is right for the good of the people. Strangely, I love this life I live. It may not be the fantasy I once dream of, but it is the one I have and it is probably the only one I will ever have. I don't know the exact words that I can describe as to how I really feel about my life. I may never know how to explain myself in ways people could understand. But, isn't that what writing is about? Trying to explain your own story even if it is difficult to explain? All of those metaphors; symbols; foreshadowing; are all techniques to visually explain certain situations. How else could people explain the war inside of them without using the terms "depression" or "anxiety?" How else could they make people understand and visualize what is going on? Despite every struggle, there are stories out there that are far beyond the word "incredible." Every story deserves to be heard. Every story should be told. Every story isn't just a story. Stories are started with a drop of ink.
